In diplomacy, in negotiation, and in everyday friction, we tend to believe that to get someone to cooperate, we must first get them to like us. We invest great effort in building chemistry, offering concessions, and trying to soften the other side's position. Psychological history, however, offers a fascinating and counterintuitive shortcut known as the "Ben Franklin Effect."

Benjamin Franklin famously won over a bitter political rival, not by doing him a favor, but by asking him for one. He requested to borrow a rare and valuable book from that rival's library. The rival granted the request, and at their next meeting he was already speaking to Franklin with considerable warmth, paving the way for a years-long friendship.

Psychologists later explained this through the concept of cognitive dissonance. Our brain hates a mismatch between our actions and our beliefs. When we do someone a favor, our brain justifies the act and concludes: "I must like or respect this person, otherwise why would I help them?"

Turning the Tables in the Mediation Room

In the tension-saturated environment of the mediation room, whether the dispute is a business one or a divorce, the parties usually arrive with high defensive walls. They see the other side as an enemy, which turns any standard gesture of goodwill into something they view with suspicion.

By strategically incorporating the Ben Franklin Effect, a mediator can begin to dismantle these walls through "micro-requests."

• The shared effort: asking one side to pass along a document, to explain a technical term they are expert in, or to help clarify the timeline of events for the people in the room.
• Micro-concessions: instead of asking for a major compromise right at the start, asking for a small, non-threatening procedural adjustment, for example: "would you mind if we structured the agenda this way, to save time?"
• Requesting validation: asking the opposing side for advice on how a specific operational obstacle might be resolved.

When a party to a dispute performs even a tiny act that helps the process or the other side, their subconscious begins to shift. The narrative changes from "they are the enemy" to "we are actively participating in something together." By leveraging this subtle psychological turn, the mediation process can transform from a rigid deadlock into a unique, collaborative problem-solving exercise.